Monday, November 28, 2011

Hello...



Is it possible one can forgive without forgetting? Or vice versa? Or is it possible that you can't forgive nor forget? Can you leave the past in the past and move on with your life without forgiving or forgetting? But what if you forget and forgive? Then does that mean that you learned something from your mistake? How can you not make the same mistake if you forget and forgive? Is it necessary to forgive and forget in order to move on with your life?

I just came across this quote: "Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were". It has the least impact on me, and I don't agree with it. I am not angry at all. Thinking about the past doesn't make me angry. It makes me disgusted. But I know I am not angry. And I know I can't forgive. And since I am thinking about it from time to time, it means I can't forget it either. But does that mean that I live my life in the past? Without any hesitation, I clearly know the answer, NOT AT ALL. There is no tiny chance that I am willing to go back to what I had before. There is no way that I am willing to go back to what I gave up all my dreams and my life for. I know I moved on. But I know I can NEVER and NEVER forgive nor forget.

But what I know is that I need to forgive myself. I can't forget it. But I need to forgive myself. I am the only one who needs forgiveness.

Hello, Future!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Today I am ashamed and disappointed...



Mr. Dick Cheney,

Your presence in my country today, Sept. 26th, 2011 really bothers me. Many people know you responsible for war crimes. They accuse you of being a war profiteer. While demands for your war crimes prosecutions are growing, you are freely on your North American tour promoting your new book 'In My Time: A Personal and Political Memoir'?!?! "Who let the dogs out"?

Sir, you broke every possible international treaties and rules by your actions and by implementation of your corrupted ideology. The term of ‘war criminal’ applies to humans. The question is, are you a human to even be accused of war crimes??? With all your barbaric and inhumane actions, to me you are nothing but a wild animal. And a wild animal can't be free because it can bring harms upon others.

If you claim that Osama Bin-Laden was responsible for killing around 3,000 people, well, you Sir were responsible for killing 177,500. And this number is just an estimate. There's no precise number of how many people got exactly killed because of your action and your insanity. And there never will be. Besides, you were not only responsible for loss of lives of Iraqis or Afghans who were clearly worthless in your eyes and your fellow colleagues', but also you were responsible for killing your own countrymen.

Sir, you, your puppet president, and your administration called Saddam and Osama terrorists and threats to your national security. You went after Saddam, yanked him out of his hiding hole, and handed him in to the angry Iraqis for the ‘so-called’ justice. At the end, he was sentenced to death by hanging. And we all (may) know what happened to Osama. And we all saw the pictures of 'so-called' evidence of Osama's death all over internet again and again and again.

If those men, those terrorists, paid price for their actions in those manners, then I wonder how you can be held accountable for your own actions! After all, as you may know, every action has a reaction, right? And I can tell from your record that you agree with me in regard to employing an extreme punishment for an extreme bad action or behaviour. So now the question is, why a wild animal like you who deserves an extreme punishment walks freely and promotes his new book in my country?

Sir, the world is better off without you or others who share the same mentality like yours. Today, I am ashamed of myself for having YOU in my country. Today, I am more than any time ashamed of my government for letting you in my country. I am very disappointed. I was planning on drawing a cartoon about your book tour, but then I decided not to. You're not worth of my time nor my talent.

Peace!

Bahar

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Why did the chicken cross the road?




So the joke is...

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

Not a funny jock, is it?

But really, Why did the chicken cross the road?

Maybe she was just tired of this side of the road. So she wanted to see what's awaiting her on the other side of the road.

...

What's on the other side of the road? I want to see.

...

Sunday, September 18, 2011

My trip: 1st destination — Paris



Chopin is playing in the background. Word Document is open. The blinker is blinking. And I am typing. Letters after letters are creating words and sentences and paragraphs. As I am writing this, I am going through all the pictures I took in my trip. I took 1,179 pictures. I think that's the most amount of pictures I've ever taken in the duration of 10 days. I made sure I captured every valuable moment I had in my trip. Looking at those pictures take me back to the amazing time and wonderful places I spent and saw in those 10 days. I finally saw Europe. Or let's say, I finally saw part of Europe with its beauty, history, tradition, modernism, and many more. 9 nights and 10 days I spent there. Mon voyage s'est très bien passé. J'ai vécu des moments magnifiques à Paris, Rome, et Frankfurt. J'ai aimé ces villes. J'ai passé 3 nuits à Paris, 4 nuits à Rome, et 2 nuits à Frankfurt. It was my first time to Europe. Before this trip, I'd only seen it in the movies or pictures or on tv or in the books. Or I'd heard about it from my friends and family. Did it fulfill my expectations? Yes, absolutely! It was even 10x better than what I was expecting. What a great trip! Not only I went to great places, saw beautiful things, ate tasty food, drank amazing drinks, sat on beautiful patios, met and chatted with wonderful people, but also it was an eye-opening trip. Let's just say I have new expectations from myself, new sets of goals in life.

I leave Ottawa for Frankfurt on Thursday, September 1st 2011. My flight is at 7:40pm with Air Canada. I'm supposed to be at the airport at 4:30pm, 3 hours prior to my departure. But as usual I get there very early. It is only 3:15pm. I don't like airports. And I don't like the security people at the airports. After the very disappointing treatment I received from the American security personnel at the Pearson Airport in my trip to New York City, I always make sure I have enough time to spare in case of having another bitter experience like that. It's part of the terrorist by birth and appearance in the today's world Mr. Bush and his fellows created. Anyway, everything goes very smoothly. I get my boarding pass and check in my suitcase. I am traveling very light. I've only packed the necessities. And in my purse I have my French books, camera, valet, and passport. The airport is very busy since it is the last long weekend of the summer, and then kids are going back to school. So everybody is going somewhere.

Everything goes well with with the security. I even beep while walking through the gate. But the security guy looks at my gladiator sandals and lets me go without doing any body-check. I get a coffee from Second cup and find a quiet spot to sit since I still have 3 hours to my boarding time. Reading french while drinking hot refreshing coffee with a beautiful view of massive airplanes landing or taking off. What a joy! But I'm too excited about my trip to enjoy that moment. I could barely get any sleep the night before since my brain didn't stop thinking. Gosh, I can't wait until my feet touch the ground of Paris. I was counting down to this trip for almost 2 months. Now I can hardly wait to be there. It's finally time for my boarding. Surprising, the 3 hours waiting time went by very quickly. My seat is between some very very fat guy whose body occupies almost half of my seat and some very very cute guy whom I check for his ring finger first. And yep, he's taken. As always, Air Canada is very disorganized, and the flight is delayed. We finally leave Ottawa around 8:30 with no explanation of the delay. But that's the last thing on my mind. I just want to leave already. And I'm finally on my way to Paris. First stop is Frankfurt and then Paris. 11 hours, I'll be there in 11 hours. Then I will go to Rome and then Frankfurt will be my last stop.

Paris. So beautiful! Why does it mean that much to me? Is it because Dad loves it? He says it's his most favourite city. Or is it because it is where Mum and Dad's love story started? I always think what if they'd lived there longer. I always think what if I'd been conceived there. What would have changed in my life? What if ... There are so many what ifs in life, but you can't always live with what ifs, or you'd always be dreaming about things and miss out on the things that you can achieve yourself. After all parents are humans too, and they decide for themselves. Good or bad, it's their life. So it's not my position to question them. I'm finally in Paris, and I can see its beauty with my own eyes.

It's the city of gray. It's not a depressing gray. It's calm. It's beautiful. If I want to pick a music for this city, it'd be Para Elisa by Beethoven or Nocturne by Chopin. You know, something calm but at the same time exciting. It's for sure classical piano. I spend 3 nights and 4 days in this beautiful city. It's the city where you find joy in simple things. Joy in eating a baguette, croissant, or fresh mozzarella with sliced tomato topped with olive oil and dill. Mmmm... Joy in drinking a fine red wine. Joy in watching a beautiful painting. Or joy in walking by Tour de Eiffel. Or just sitting on a nice patio and watching people. Simple! It's very simple and pleasant. I see people with a drink, only one drink and a book spending hours and hours at a cafe or a bar. They're enjoying the moment. Drinking is not meant to get drunk. It is to enjoy. Food is not meant to stuff. It is to enjoy.

Cobblestone paved streets is one of the main features in Paris. We see it here and there in Ottawa or Montreal too, but it doesn't feel the same. People commute to work with their scooters or motorbikes. Or the majority drive mini-cars. Unlike North America, you can hardly find any SUV there. I also find Citroën, my childhood car, my Mum and Dad's first car. Oh, seeing that car brings back lots of good memories. I find crossing the street quite confusing in the beginning. If there's no one crossing the street even if the traffic light is red for the cars, they don't stop. But as soon as they see you, they stop until you cross the street. And Parisians hunk a lot. One thing that I notice in Paris is that dogs are allowed to poop on the street. And the dog owner doesn't need to pick it up!

The buildings are amazingly beautiful in Paris. They are not tall. They are bulky. They all look the same in one area and then they slightly change in the architecture from one to the next. They are standing strong and beautiful. Most of them have a fenced terrace, all aligned with beautiful pink or red flowers on them. The windows are narrow and tall. Even their government building are beautiful and historic. There's a union and harmony is the architecture.

I find Parisians calm and friendly despite what I heard from others. They are not arrogant nor hostile at all. They like you when you try to speak with them in French specially the seniors, but most of them know or understand English very well. The fashion is very different there. They are very well dressed and very attractive. Beautiful men are everywhere. Long messy hair, light eyes, skinny and tall wearing a scarf and a vintage jacket over a v-neck shirt with skinny jeans. Yumm... The Parisian women are in heels even on Sundays and even in the park while pushing the stroller or walking their kids who are also wearing chic clothes. And you can hardly find any obese in Paris. And almost everybody smokes there.

I stay at a beautiful Hilton Hotel on 51-57 rue de Courcelles. What a great area! Surprisingly, unlike other Hiltons this one doesn't have a pool. And to use the GYM you have to pay. The decor is very beautiful. Tall ceilings, beautiful colours, lovely patio, great bar, nice restaurant and a beautiful yard. My room is very comfortable. It is very clean and specious. And the complementary breakfast is amazing. Salmon, boiled egg, 2 different cheese, tomato, cucumber, fresh baby mozzarella, feta cheese, jambon, cereal, scrambled egg, mushroom, sausage, bacon, all kinds of bread and fresh croissant, many many fruits, juice, coffee, tea, and water. Oh, it's lovely! I'm in heaven. I meet a cute Canadian on the elevator. We are both on the same floor. He sees my mini Canadian flag on my purse and asks me where I am from. And I ask the same. He was born in NF, raised in Montreal, and now he lives in Denmark. He's in Paris for a business meeting. The hotel is also close to Parc Monceau. On a beautiful warm, sunny Sunday, people lie half-naked on a blanket and tan under the sun.

Chanselise, I finally get to see. My dad always talks about its beauty. And he's right. It's so beautiful. Cobblestone paved street, old unique looking trees, les colonnes Morris, great patios on the street, beautiful buildings, famous fashion boutiques: Dior, Armani, Patrick Roger, Chanel, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and many more. And I see the beautiful Boulvard Des Chanselise. Arc de Triomphe and the Champs-Elysées, so lovely! But there are also so many beggars on Chanselise. And one thing that I wouldn't try there again is the food. Because of its location, the food is expensive and not good quality.

Tour de Eiffel, there's nothing like it in the world. It's the most beautiful tower I've ever seen in my life. The architecture is amazing: the lines, the arcs, the positive and negative spaces created within the lines. She's standing tall and proud by the Seine River. The view of the sunset looks magical there. It's breathtaking!

The Lourvre and Musée d'Orsay, I finally get to see the masterpieces by Da Vinci, Monet, Manet, Renoir, Cassatt, Degas, Van Gogh, and many more. There's a big line-up for those museums. But it's so organized that it only takes me max of an hour to get in. And it's all worth it. And who says you can't take pictures there?!

Montmartre, what a beautiful neighbourhood with narrow, steep, cobblestone-paved streets, stairways, hidden gardens, cemeteries, and vineyards. You get a beautiful view of Paris from there. Painters painting, writers writing on the old-fashion typewriters, nice patios, great food and drinks, nice stores, live street- performers, beautiful art galleries, and many more. There's nothing like it.

Overall, Paris was beyond amazing. Two thumps up to Paris and the Parisians. I will definitely go back to my dream city. À bientôt, Paris !

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Merci, français !



I look at the mini-clock on my desktop. Il est 20 heures 25. Quelle heure est-il à Paris en ce mement ? Il est deux heures 25. Ici, il est samedi encore. Mais, à Paris, il est déjà dimanche. Là-bas, il est tôt le matin. People are sleeping. I'll be there in almost 4 days. J'ai hâte...

J'ai vraiment besoin ces vacances. I haven't been since the New Year. Part of the preparation for my trip has been practicing my French. I've been learning it by myself so far. And of course, I've had so many helps on the side from my friends and my coworkers, especially from my good friend Daena and my good coworker Carole. I couldn't have done it without them. I must say, I myself can't even believe the progress I've made for the past 2 months. When I come back from my trip, I'll be taking French classes. And I'm aiming by the New Year, I'll be speaking this beautiful language fluently. I did it with English, so I can do it with French too. Who know... If I get so good at speaking it, I may even consider moving to France. Well, if not that far, then it will be Montréal. Or I'll run for the prime minister. Haha! Watch out, Harper!

Je pense en français, anglais, et farsi ces jours. Mes rêves aussi sont en français, anglais, et farsi ces jours. Ce n'est pas bizarre pour moi. But people may find it confusing sometime since I accidentally respond in French or Farsi instead. It's been a great experience though. And I am glad that i decided to do it. Especially at this time, I really needed something to distract my mind from the things happening around me. Alors, français, merci bien pour l'aide.

Without you, I would have felt more:

non désirée

triste

fâcher

seul

inquiet

idiot

and many more bad feelings.

Main, tu as été rendu possible par moi que j'ai au moins mauvais pressentiments. Et aussi, tu as fermé des nouveaux portes par moi. Merci !

Friday, August 19, 2011

Simple but strong...


WORD OF THE DAY:

It's a good feeling when you can easily say, "I love you!" to someone.

and I miss that...

I love you! (English)
Je t'aime ! (French)
Doostet daram! (Farsi)
Wǒ ài nǐ! (Mandarin)

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

pass for pause de midi


So, finally, I decided to go to Paris, the city that I've been dreaming to go visit for so long... I always pictured myself going to that city, the city of romance, 'with', you know... 'for', you know... So I kept postponing, re-postponing, and re-re-postponing Paris to further notice. But then I said, fuck it! I don't know when that 'you know' is going to happen. And life is too short. How much longer am I supposed to live with 'you know' and 'you know'? So it's happening. It is really happening. I am going -- I am finally going to Paris, the city of romance.

Part of my preparation for this trip, which I can hardly wait for, is improving my French. And I am learning it by myself. I took French way back in high school. But really at that time I didn't learn much. I mean I didn't pay much attention in the class. To me classes like math, physics, biology, and chemistry were more important than French since I wanted to major in science at university. I am kind of regretting that, but the past is the past. It's never too late. And now I am learning. And also one of my coworkers at work talks to me in French everyday. That's the beauty of living in Ottawa. I have so many people around me who can speak French. And that is awesome. So there's no excuse for me not to learn this beautiful language.

I am getting better... I can read and write now, but I still have a hard time speaking. And here's something funny happened today:

It's 12:30pm at work. I tell my coworker en français, "I am going on a 10min lunch break to the cafeteria". She looks at me, nods, and with a big smile gives me her pass*. I look at her puzzled. "Why is she giving me her pass?", says the voice in my head. So I say it loud to her, "why are you giving me your pass?". Now, she's confused. "Didn't you ask me to give you my pass to go to the cafeteria for 10min?", she asks.

Here's where the confusion came from: en français, lunch break is pause de midi, but because of my lovely pronunciation, she thought I was saying pass instead of pause. And this is the beauty of learning French by yourself! But at least she kind of understood what I was trying to say...

*Where I work, you need a pass to get into the building or go from one floor to another.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Paradoxes Modernes



I found this on Youtube and really liked it. www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhSHPkoj6Ig&feature=share

Le paradoxe de notre époque est que nous avons plus de connaissances mais moins de patience et de tolérance;des autoroutes plus larges mais des points de vue plus étroits. On dépense plus mais on a moins, on achète plus mais apprécie moins. Nous avons de plus grande maison mais des plus petites familles, plus de commodités mais moins de temps. On a plus de diplômes mais moins de sens, plus d'éducation mais moins de jugement, plus d'experts mais plus de problèmes, plus de médicaments mais moins de bien-être.

On boit bien trop, on fume bien trop, on dépense sans réfléchir, pi on ne rit pas assez, conduit trop vite, on se fâche trop, on se couche trop tard, on se lève trop fatigué, on ne lit pas assez, regarde trop de TV et one ne médite pas assez.

Nous avons multiplié nos possessions mais perdu nos valeurs. On parle trop, aime trop rarement et haïs trop souvent.

On a appris a gagner sa vie mais pas à la vivre. Nous avons ajouté des années à la vie mais pas de vie aux années. Nous sommes allés sur la lune mais il nous est difficile de traverser la rue pour rencontrer un nouveau voisin. Nous avons conquis le cosmos extérieur mais pas notre chaos intérieur. On fait des choses plus grandes mais pas meilleures. Nous avons plus d'hygiène mais nous avons pollué même notre âme. Nous avons conquis l'atome mais pas nos préjugés. On écrit plus mais apprend moins. Nous planifions plus mais accomplissons moins. On a appris à se stresser mais pas à patienter. Nous construisons des ordinateurs pour retenir plus d'informations, produire plus de copies que jamais auparavant, mais nous communiquons de moins en moins.

Nous sommes à l'ère de la restauration rapide mais de la digestion lente, des grands hommes mais des petites personnalités, des profits record mais des relations superficielles. Nous sommes à l'ère de 2 revenus mais avec plus de divorces, des maisons plus "fancy" mais des foyers brisés. Nous sommes à l'ère des courts voyages, des couches jetables, des basses mœurs, des nuits sans lendemain, de l'obésité, et des pilules qui font n'importe quoi, de donner du pep, à endormir, à tuer. Nous sommes à l'ère des showrooms bien remplis mais avec des entrepôts vides.

Rappelez-vous de dire, "Je t'aime" à votre partenaire et vos bien-aimés, mais, surtout, pensez-le. Une bise et une accolade soulageront un mal lorsque sincères. Souvenez-vous de vous tenir la main et de chérir ce moment présent parce qu'un jour cette personne nous quittera. Prenez le temps d'aimer, de parler et de partager vos pensées précieuses.

Et n'oubliez jamais que la vie ne se mesure pas aux nombres de souffles que vous prenez mais par les moments qui nous coupent le souffle.

Sources:
Le Dalaï Lama, le Dr. Moorehead et sans oublier George Carlin

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Well, there is definitely one thing that I can't change about me!



Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I look at the time on my computer. It says 8:21am. I am at work, busy with some boring project. To make it less boring, I am listening to my favourite musics. Very loud! Very very loud! "Damn, I LOVE THIS SONG". Yep, I'm dancing now. Sometimes people find me dancing behind my computer. But I don't care. And they laugh and walk away. Sure, I'm a weirdo! But I love it...

...
Will you be sticking with me
When the money's gone?
Will you be sticking with me
When the money's gone?
Will you be sticking with me
When the money's gone?
The money's gone, the money's gone
...

AAAhhhhh, new email. Ok, what is it now?!?! Meeting, @ 8:35 in my boss's office. Well, that's enough notice, isn't it? I look at the time. It says 8:32. Ok, getting ready for the meeting.

...
I got a funny feeling.
I got a funny feeling.
Like the geeky kid in the ladies shoes.
Who's he think he's fooling?
Another year of ruling your own.
...

It's 8:35am. I'm still in my chair. Let's wait for another minute. It's only one minute. 8:36am, ok! let's go!

B: Good morning!
R: Good morning! You look nice today!
(Why is the old project in front of her?! Why?! I'm not changing it. Fuck, I'm tired of redesigning the same thing over and over again. Bahar, shut the fuck up. And sit down)
B: Oh, thank you! You look nice yourself too. Love you top! Where did you get it?
(Are you bullshitting again?! Why is the old project in front of her?! Why?! I'm not changing it. Fuck! Ok, Brain, seriously, stop it! She's talking. You need to listen. It's rude! Bahar, what the fuck?!)
B: So... what's up?
R: Yes, we need to talk about this project.
B: NOOOOOOOOOO, I'm not changing it.
(Bahar, what the fuck! And you had to say it loud!!! That was very professional, wasn't it?! I'm being sarcastic by the way. You, fooooooool!)
R: I know... you're upset. Trust me, I love love love your other design. But he wants it more blocky!
(I hate when people use those stupid words to describe what they want in the design. I want it blocky. I want the colours more crispy. crunchy, sexy, text-bookish, and many more... It's the fucking design we're talking about. Can we use some proper terminology. But it's not her fault. She's just a messenger. And to be honest, she's a great boss. I'm still mad though. Bahar, shut the fuck up.)
B: So... basically, he wants something ugly. I can't do ugly. I'm a graphic designer. He can ask some desktop publisher to do it for him. Or he can do it himself. You know what... I'll do it, but I'll only spend 30min this time.
R: I know you're upset. But he's the client. So...
B: It's totally fine. But I'll only spend 30min this time.
R: Sure.

Leaving her office, but not going back to my desk. I need some fresh air. Or my brain wouldn't shut up talking. Oh, sun, I love you! You make me feel better. 20min later, and I'm back at my desk. Ok, let's finish this project, and start working on the ugly design. "I'll only spend 30min on the ugly design". My computer time says 9:15. Let's PDF this sucker and work on the new one. I need music. Loud, very very loud...

...
Don't stop me now
I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball
Don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time
Just give me a call
Don't stop me now
'cause I'm having a good time
Don't stop me now
Yes I'm having a good time
I don't wanna stop at all
...

Haha, I'm having a ball... Yeahhhhhhhh... A big ball! Love it! I love Queen. I love Freddy!

Ok, I need to mask this part, here. And command 'J'. Adjustment, ... Damn, it looks good! Ok, I need to change this part too. "Oh, who cares"? "Well, I do. Can you stop it, brain? You're being very annoying. Do your job"!

...
Is it worth the aggravation
To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?
It's a crazy situation
But all I need are cigarettes and alcohol!
...

Yeah, cigs and booze... I can be their groupie. Oh, Noel! I love him. And his accent. So HOT! Oh, Bahar! You're such a whore in head. "Did you just call yourself a whore? Your least favourite word?"

Why am I shaking?! Oh, someone is tapping me on the shoulder.
"Hey, it's time to go home!"
"What?"
It's 3:00pm!!! PDF, done! And that was my 30min!!! Oh, Bahar! You just can't... You silly perfectionist!

Hi, my name is Bahar, and I can be an emotional freak designer sometimes (AKA most of the times). But the word 'ugly' doesn't exist in my dictionary. At least my day ended happy.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

♥ from me to you...



When I was a kid, one of my activities was reading books. Even if I didn't want to do it, I had no choice. Mum and Dad set it as my daily routine even if it was only couple of pages before bedtime. Despite their disagreement, I used to stay up late to finish a book. I still remember those memorable secret nights with me under my blanket with my key-chain flashlight as my light source reading my book page-by-page, chapter-by-chapter. I was the main character of the story trying to save the world, falling in love with a handsome wealthy or poor man, fighting in a battle zone, discovering an unknown world, waiting to be rescued by a prince, and many more. After I was done with every book, we had a discussion night. I had to review the book for Mum and Dad and talk about what I learned. There was never a shortage of books in our household, and also Mum and Dad used to get me new ones, and they still do. I read books by great authors; such as, Mark Twain, Jack London, Arthur Conan Doyle, George Orwell, Ernest Hemingway, Jane Austen, Stephen Crane, George Eliot, Charles Dickens, Victor Hugo, Jules Verne, and many many more. But my most favourite book was 'Vater und Sohn' (Father and Son) by Erich Ohser.

Father and Son is a 3 volumes collection of wordless black and white comic strip, featuring a father and son day to day events and their relationship in a humorous way. The father is a bald man with a thick black mustache who smokes pipe, and the son, Eric is a little boy who always gets in trouble because he doesn't listen to his father's advice. But the father is always supportive of his son despite his mistakes and tries to teach him the rights from the wrongs. I used to spend hours and hours looking at each panel. The cartoons weren't the only reason I was drawn to the book. The six panels on each page was a story of my life. I was seeing myself in the son, and the father was reminding me of my dad. The rebellions and the stupidities of Eric were so familiar to me that there was no need for words to describe the story. I flipped those pages so many times until I lost the cover and the pages came out one by one. I even knew which page every story was. But did that stop me from making the mistakes Eric did in the book? From what I did and what I do, the answer is no.

Today is Father's Day! The word 'father' is very sacred to me. And it only means one thing — it only reminds me of one person. And it is you, Dad. Every time I think of you, something drops inside me. It makes me shiver. It's hard to describe, but thinking about you, makes me very emotional. You and Mum gave me life. You raised me. You taught me about life. You let me make my own decisions. You let me create my own destiny. You gave me confidence. You let me make mistakes. But every time I fell, you were there for me to grab my hand and help me to stand on my feet again. You never let me stay on the ground for more than needed. I must say, every time I rebelled against your wise council, I got in trouble. But you were always behind me. You always supported me no matter what. You comforted me. You guided me. You always made time for me despite your busy schedule. You always listened to my thoughts and dreams even if they were bullshits. I felt like as if I was the smartest and the most important person in the universe. I am an adult now. Or let's say, I'm tying to be acting like one. But you still do and do and do all those things for me.

Today is Father's Day, but I don't think I need just one specific day to remind me of your kindness, your sacrifices, your supports, your dedications and all the goods you've done and keep doing for me. And there's no way I can thank you enough for those. I cherish you. I worship you. I respect you. I admire you. I'm very honoured to have you in my life. I wish there were more men like you in my life. You are sacred to me, Dad. I love you. Happy Father's Day!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

power = happiness



He's about 5-6 years old, dressed up as Spider-Man. He must be really hot. It feels like 30°C today. But little Spider-Man doesn't mind the heat. He's standing in the middle of the bus, full of excitement. His mum is holding his hand trying to calm him down. He's holding a plastic sword in his other hand. I didn't know Spider-Man had a sword. "Adam, come sit down beside mummy". But the little Spider-Man is not paying attention to what the mum says. Instead he raises his plastic sword up high and yells out:

"I am Adam, Prince of Eternia, defender of the secrets of Castle Greyskull. Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword. By the power of Greyskull! I have the power! I am He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe".

Haa?! What happened to Spider-Man. When did he become He-Man? But I guess it doesn't really matter. Little Adam is a deluxe superhero with a secret super power and a magic plastic sword. He is "the most powerful man in the universe". Adam repeated the word 'power' 4 times in his superhero mini-speech. And that made me think... what defines power? Where do I get my power? When do I feel like a superhero and the most powerful woman in the universe? In Adam's case, he gets his power from his magic plastic sword. And that gives him enough confidence to stand proud in the middle of the bus and showcase it in front of everyone.

Throughout the human history, we've been witnessing wars, corruptions, destruction, massacre, injustice, discrimination, poverty, depression, recession, and many more. Generations after generations, decades after decades, centuries after centuries, we have had no shortage of any of these items. We keep reminding ourselves to learn from the past and not making the same mistakes the generations before made. But still they are happening over and over again. Why isn't there any stop to all these? If we look deeper into the core of all these, we can clearly see they all have one thing in common, and that is power.

It is a need for power and becoming the most powerful nation in the universe that makes countries attacking each other.

Governments employ different techniques to become more and more powerful to achieve stability and security for their countries. They attack the less fortunate and occupy their lands to expand their natural resources. Yesterday their reasoning was to overcome communism, today is to defeat terrorism, and tomorrow it would be a new terminology. But in fact, occupying more lands means having more access to resources such as water, oil, gas, minerals, natural habitats, etc. They build strong military to achieve a powerful status to outshine their opponents. And an actual war zone would be a great opportunity for them to showcase others their latest high-tech military devices. After all, they could get more realistic results if they fly an F-15E Strike Eagle and try it on a village in a third-world country where nobody ever heard of. That being said, let's not forget the effectiveness of the cultural invasion.

But what are these all about? Those governments spend billions and billions of dollars to implement these techniques to seek power. And when they feel threatened by their opponents or those who endanger their status, they'd do everything in their power to defeat them. Power brings better economical and social stability. They have louder voice and higher exception of being heard. They have more control. They can provide their nations with better security. People are more optimistic about their future, and they get more opportunities to achieve what they want to in their lives. So can we say power equals happiness?

Ok, so if we agree on this equation, does that mean that the president of the United States is the happiest man in universe since he's being knows as the most powerful man in the universe? What is power to an individual? So I ask my girlfriend. Power in her opinion is when she can decide about her life and the decisions she's making without the fear of others' views or doubting her decisions. She feels more powerful when she feels that her decisions are not based on pleasing others but only on what she expects of herself. Her response definitely reflects the change she's trying to achieve in her life.

So now I ask myself... what is the definition of power in Bahar Dictionary?

'P', Power: Bahar is the most powerful woman in the universe when she feels that she's the one who's in charge of her destiny. She feels powerful when she is in charge of her life, and she's the one who's the decision-maker not others. So in this context, power = happiness.

Monday, June 6, 2011

This new -ization



I feel like I am a minority in the world of social technology. I don't own a blackberry nor an iPhone. I have a regular phone, a Samsung which I bought 2 years ago, and it is still working perfectly. It does all the tasks that a regular phone is supposed to do. I can talk to my family, friends, and sometimes annoying telemarketers. I can make it ring or vibrate. But I usually have it on silent. I can calculate how much tip I need to leave for the waitress. I can check the date and time on it when I'm not wearing my watch. I can do my most favourite thing, text messaging with it. It also has a camera which I rarely use since I just got a new good ass camera, so no need to use a low-rez cell phone cam. I refuse changing it anytime soon, not at least until it stops working. And when it's time to get a new one, I don't think I'd go for a blackberry nor become an iUser.

I am at my favourite Starbucks, yes, again... while writing this. I didn't know I'd be inspired to write today, so I came unprepared. But my last conversation with my mum and my best friend and reading a piece in the New York Times on 'Social Technology' inspired me and started my brain engine. I don't have a laptop to transfer my thoughts into words. But I know I have to write them down right away before they disappear. So with my coffee I get a cookie, so that I can use the bag as my paper. I look around. Almost everyone is busy on their laptops or their cell phones. Some people look at me weird wondering why I am writing on a cookie bag. I've never felt desperate to have a laptop nor an iPad. I have a great PC at home and the best iMac at work. I use them for work since my full-time job and my freelance work depend on them. I also use them to communicate with my friends and family since most of them are in Toronto or outside of Canada. And sometimes I watch movies or TV shows since I don't cable.

I have a Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Skype, and LinkedIn account. And I use these accounts for specific purposes. My Facebook is to stay in touch with my friends and family, specially to get informed of what's going on in their life. Twitter is a great social medium to find out about the latest in politics, arts, design, and my other interests. My Blogger is my therapist. It is where I can write and write and just easily express myself. I use my Skype once a week to talk to my best friend who I dearly miss, and thank to Skype I get the chance to talk to her for free for an hour or so since she lives in Toronto and I'm in Ottawa, and it's a long distance for us to talk on the phone. At last, my LinkedIn gives me the opportunity to network with my current and former coworkers and other professionals out there.

I don't have access to my personal email nor Facebook from work. But I can still check my Twitter, blog, and my LinkedIn. I found it quite bizarre and very difficult to adapt in the beginning. But now I don't find it necessary to check my personal accounts while at work. If I need to check them, I can use the computer downstairs in the library, the only device in the whole company with 200 employees that I can use for my unrelated work purposes. But I'm too busy to do that anyway. And if my family and close friends desperately need to get a hold of me, they all have my cell and my work numbers. Or they can email me at work which they usually do anyway. So my personal accounts can wait to be checked until I get home.

What I find quite bizarre with the social media is people exposing their entire life on them. They write about their daily routines. Or where they are at the time. Or they upload their personal pictures or even their kids' pictures. Doesn't privacy mean anything anymore? Or maybe it's outdated, and I am the only one who's not aware of it?! Why is it important for Sally to tell the whole world on her Facebook that she's about to take a shower? Is she that desperate for attention? Or she has nothing better to do? Also, with all those child predators out there, how can parents put their kids' pictures on the cyberspace where everyone has easily view them? And why do people find the need to inform the whole world of where they are at the time? Aren't they afraid of the thieves and all those criminals out there who can easily break into their house and property while they are enjoying their dinner at their favourite restaurant or watching their favourite band performing? These days you don't need to be a CIA agent to find someone's profile. Your identity is very much exposed because of the social technology. The world of cyberspace has made it so accessible for everyone to easily find whom they're looking for. You can easily put her name in the google search engine, and there you go... you have her entire family tree or her contact info. But despite all these, people are still doing it. Even those who are afraid of change or taking risk in their life, taking all these unnecessary risks in the world of cyberspace.

Or maybe I'm being ignorant? Is there something that I am missing out here? Or am I scared? Is it my past experience which makes me vulnerable to this world of social media or cyberspace in general and not letting me to fully understand it? But yet whatever it is, I still find my privacy more important than getting fully involved with all these high-tech communications. I don't need to be in touch with the outside world the whole time. I value my time and space to do what I enjoy to do, to do something productive. I don't need internet on my cell phone nor carry a laptop to a coffee shop where I usually go to escape the cyberspace distraction in order to get some work done. It's my time when I can be creative.

However, I still find the social media quite fascinating and very much needed in our life only if they're used properly. Since the social media occupy most of our daily routines, we need to include it in our educational system. I think it is necessary to educate the public on this matter. Social technology is affecting our life big time. And sometimes it gets to the point that it take the leash away from us. Many and many relationships end because of that. Youths and adults are forgetting about a simple eye contact or how to express their emotions outside of the world of cyberspace since they spend most of their time on their high-tech devices. If this becomes a norm, I'm afraid we would end up with the rise in the number of people suffering from depression, broken families, divorces, troubled teenagers, and many more. So before it's too late, we need to take charge to stop this new -ization!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

My caffein thoughts



"My old man's body is having trouble with my twenty-something lifestyle".
"Stop calling yourself that. You're not old".
"I am exhausted".
"You need to get more rest. Maybe you need to slow down a bit".
"I know when it's my time to die, it'd be a quick one. But at least I'd die very happy".

What he said made me thinking. Why did I tell him that he needed to slow down? Maybe I said that because of my own insecurity. I'm not in a position to say such a thing. After all, he's happy with his life, so keep doing what you are doing. Maybe I'm the one who needs to speed up. Nothing is for granted. Life is too short, and we all need to live it the best way we can.

Do you ever ask yourself 'why I'm doing what I am doing'? What defines happiness? What is a meaningful life? Why are we doing all these? Questions after questions with variety of answers. We all came to this world 9 months (or maybe less) after mum and dad's 'yari yara'. They gave us this thing called 'life' with an expiry date.

"Skype"?
"Sure"!
"What's up"?
"I feel like shit again. Insomnia is back. I can't stop thinking".
"What's wrong"?
"I've lost direction, again. Ok, maybe not a direction. I think I have to reevaluate my life. I have to remind myself of why I'm doing all these and where I'm heading".

Here you go. This is your life. It's in your hand. But sometimes it gets out of hand. But its leash still is in your hand. It's up to you to pull it back towards yourself. You're the one who's in charge. To me life is like a dog. It responds to the way you treat it. It's a reaction of your action. Have you ever seen a typical lady dog-owner who is trying to stop her dog from baking at others. "Sweetie, stop barking", says the lady in a gentle voice. But the dog with no reaction to her request is still barking his ass off. Who's in charge here?

There are so many paths in front of us. And we get to choose one and new paths open up in front of us. Yes, some of us are more privileged than the others. But still that doesn't mean anything. There's no such a thing as luck. Your life, your success, your failure , your misery, your happiness are all based on your decisions you're making, and the paths you're choosing in your life. And it's sad to watch those sitting on their ass, doing nothing, living on welfare, and waiting for some miracle to happen. 3 words: there's no miracle. Miracle is a fancy word religious folks use to manipulate their audience. Ok brain, don't get distracted with other stuff! What I am trying to say here is that nothing is going to happen if there's no action. Nobody is going to save you. You're your only savior. Look in the mirror. Who do you see? It's you!

I'm at my favourite Starbucks in my favourite quiet corner where I'm being inspired to write this crap on life. But I really believe in it. So, Miss. Bahar! It's time to speed up. So move faster. And don't stop. Learn from the people around you. It's time for action. First on your agenda, finish working on your damn exhibition.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Orgasm on my summer lunch break




Birds are playing their symphony in harmouny. It sounds very pleasant to my ears. I close my eyes and let myself drawn in this peaceful surrounding. A deep breath! I try to suck in as much air as I can as if there might be a shortage of it very soon. I open my eyes. The bright sun makes my eyes squint. But that doesn’t bother me at all. I smile. “There you are, Silly! Don’t go anywhere. Ok? Stay here. I want to see you everyday. Nobody would hurt you. You don’t need to hide behind those clouds”.

And she responds. I hear her. She talks to me in a mute way by burning my bare upper back. I smile. “You heard me?! So stay right on top of me. You’re what I want. You make me happy”. Aaah, what a great feeling!

Birds are still playing their harmonious symphony. So joyful! So pleasant! The sun is still talking to me. My back is sizzling. The breeze joins our conversation. She gently rubs my skin. She’s not as shy as the sun. She playfully goes under my top, and I can feel her touch on my skin, on my spine, on my breasts, on my belly button… And now she goes under my skirt. I spread out my arms and legs and rest my back against the picnic table. I close my eyes once again. And let myself feel this great sensation. Aaah, what a great feeling!

I open my eyes and look around. I can see you. I can smell you. I can feel you. I can hear you. "Hello, Summer! You are finally here"!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Hope there's a light at the end of this dark tunnel


One of the things I always enjoy doing is talking to my dad about my thoughts, point of views on things, daily news, social matters, philosophy, almost everything. And man, he’s so open-minded and more than willing to listen to me. I feel bad for him sometimes. I can be full of shit sometimes, and who wants to listen to bullshits? But he does. He eagerly does. And I feel special. He makes me feel special. Thank you, Daddy!

Today, he told me why not writing about all these in my blog. He’s right, why not?! So here we go. From now on, I’ll be writing about all these crazy thoughts here. These are just how I think at the time, in the moment. Who knows, I might change my mind tomorrow. I love to hear about other people’s views. So bring it on. I want to hear it.

I’m copying and pasting my conversation I had with my dad earlier today via email. This is only reflecting my way of thinking, not my Dad’s. He might agree with me or not. But it’s none of my business to speak on his behalf.

My conversation is based on the ongoing events in the Middle East, especially in Iran:


Hope there’s light at the end of this dark tunnel

You know what scares me? It almost annoys me at the same time, when I see people so brilliant and smart who have a good head on their shoulder, who have a high education and intellect, just being a sheep. They are only being a follower. They willingly want to be used.

Or maybe, that’s just the way they’re thinking. I’m talking about religion, politics, lifestyle here. What if you let your religion and your ideology rule your life. Imagine you want to mix them all together. Is it even possible? Can we bake a salty, sweet cake? Maybe we can make it hot and spicy at the same time. Yuck!

Religion scares me! Even the word, every time I hear it, it’s like an alarm. Man, they’ve been many good men in the past that I adored, but because of religion, I tried to stay away from them. I don’t follow any religion or faith out there. I tried. But it didn’t take me that long to start questioning. I’m not agnostic either. I believe there’s something out there. I’ve never looked for it though. I don’t know what it is. But I call for it when I need help. Maybe it’s the inner me. Maybe I just believe in me.

Anyway, back to religion, I have to say for some reason religious people bother me. Most of them can be very biased. And it’s hard for me to trust them. I see them as people who are lost, those who have identity crisis. I don’t want to generalize here though. I said most of them. I still know a few who are reasonable, open-minded people while practicing their faith.

Yes, I do believe that people’s idea and point of view change from time to time. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s very normal. It’s part of the human nature. But there’s something that never changes in us. And that’s the foundation, root, base, whatever you want to call it, the thing that makes us the person we are. That’s the thing people always remember us as.

Here’s what I’m trying to say, in the 21st century with the modern lifestyle and the technology constantly changing, if you don’t think of religion as a personal belief (something between you and whoever you believe in), it’d contradict with all the changes happening around you. This is why I think most of those people have identity crisis. And they keep changing gears because they see they get stuck from time to time, so they have to change direction. This is why I find it hard to trust them because I don’t know what they’re going to do next.

In addition, I think it’s not enough just to be tolerant of other people’s faiths and views. You need to be understandable of where they are coming from and why they’re thinking and acting in a certain way. Why they are so different from you. And we can achieve this by educating ourselves.

Also, by being open-minded I mean we need to be willingly to be open-minded, with a good intention. Not just because others (the authorities, the ones with money and power) say so. Maybe we need to work our own brain from time to time. But unfortunately most people with strong faiths are just so brainwashed that don’t see others. And it’s hard for me to trust them.

Maybe this is why I don’t support any of the political groups in Iran nor in the Middle East. I hate seeing people getting hurt. I hate watching people getting killed. I’m for people. I think sometimes (most of the time) security and stability are more important than freedom. In some circumstances, people are just not ready for that kind of freedom. They basically don’t know what it is. They are not educated about it. It’s just the idea of it that excites them. Life is too short. You can be on the street shouting out the word ‘freedom’ and hope for a change.

But the question here is, ‘what changes? What do you want to change? Why change? And who are you putting your trust and faith in to make that change happen? And why do you trust that person? Why do you think he’s better than anybody else?’ What is this change everybody talking about?

In my opinion the nation (I’m talking about Iran here) is being irrational and emotional in the so-called Green movement. What change? What do they want? I know they’re fed up with the regime and injustice (and I don’t blame them. Why do you think I live here and not there???), but my question is what’s the difference between these new reformists and the ones in power???

I think Obama was the same with regards to change too. During his campaign he never explained what change he was talking about. I can change my shoes right now and say, “yayy, I’m for change”. What is Change?

I want all these to stop. I am scared. I am scared. My loved ones are there. I don’t want anything to happen to them. Call me selfish. Then I want to be selfish. I just want these to stop. I hope there’s a light at the end of this tunnel!

I like questioning things. I find it an easy way out by not questioning. That way you can look at things from a different angle. You can see other views. Everybody can listen to BBC and get their news and updates from there. But I like looking at the patterns, the history. The human nature... People call me pessimistic, but I think I’m just being realistic.

Friday, February 11, 2011

32 years later, another revolution...


Irony: Iranian Revolution on Feb. 11th, 1979; and today is Egyptian Revolution on Feb. 11th, 2011.

Nothing's changed since the Iranian Revolution. We're still witnessing dictatorship, corruptions, big gap between the rich and poor, ignoring human rights, injustice, and many more.

It's too early to congratulate the Egyptians. They only took the first step. Now it's all up to them to take advantage of this opportunity to build a foundation for a better and brighter future for their country and next generations. They better learn from other nations' experiences, or they will make the same mistake. Hope it will be a good change for them.

Let's just hope...

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Harper follows Israeli line on Egypt


Unfortunately, when it comes to foreign policy and everything else really, our prime minister is not the wisest man out there. Take a look at Haroon Siddiqui's opinion piece in the Toronto Star.

And this is my editorial cartoon.

Let's all hope for an election in Canada very soon. He is certainly not representing the majority of the Canadians.