defeated at hope...

...

the end

pass for pause de midi

So, finally, I decided to go to Paris, the city that I've been dreaming to go visit for so long... I always pictured myself going to that city, the city of romance, 'with', you know... 'for', you know... So I kept postponing, re-postponing, and re-re-postponing Paris to further notice. But then I said, fuck it! I don't know when that 'you know' is going to happen. And life is too short. How much longer am I supposed to live with 'you know' and 'you know'? So it's happening. It is really happening. I am going -- I am finally going to Paris, the city of romance.

Part of my preparation for this trip, which I can hardly wait for, is improving my French. And I am learning it by myself. I took French way back in high school. But really at that time I didn't learn much. I mean I didn't pay much attention in the class. To me classes like math, physics, biology, and chemistry were more important than French since I wanted to major in science at university. I am kind of regretting that, but the past is the past. It's never too late. And now I am learning. And also one of my coworkers at work talks to me in French everyday. That's the beauty of living in Ottawa. I have so many people around me who can speak French. And that is awesome. So there's no excuse for me not to learn this beautiful language.

I am getting better... I can read and write now, but I still have a hard time speaking. And here's something funny happened today:

It's 12:30pm at work. I tell my coworker en français, "I am going on a 10min lunch break to the cafeteria". She looks at me, nods, and with a big smile gives me her pass*. I look at her puzzled. "Why is she giving me her pass?", says the voice in my head. So I say it loud to her, "why are you giving me your pass?". Now, she's confused. "Didn't you ask me to give you my pass to go to the cafeteria for 10min?", she asks.

Here's where the confusion came from: en français, lunch break is pause de midi, but because of my lovely pronunciation, she thought I was saying pass instead of pause. And this is the beauty of learning French by yourself! But at least she kind of understood what I was trying to say...

*Where I work, you need a pass to get into the building or go from one floor to another.

Paradoxes Modernes

I found this on Youtube and really liked it. www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhSHPkoj6Ig&feature=share

Le paradoxe de notre époque est que nous avons plus de connaissances mais moins de patience et de tolérance;des autoroutes plus larges mais des points de vue plus étroits. On dépense plus mais on a moins, on achète plus mais apprécie moins. Nous avons de plus grande maison mais des plus petites familles, plus de commodités mais moins de temps. On a plus de diplômes mais moins de sens, plus d'éducation mais moins de jugement, plus d'experts mais plus de problèmes, plus de médicaments mais moins de bien-être.

On boit bien trop, on fume bien trop, on dépense sans réfléchir, pi on ne rit pas assez, conduit trop vite, on se fâche trop, on se couche trop tard, on se lève trop fatigué, on ne lit pas assez, regarde trop de TV et one ne médite pas assez.

Nous avons multiplié nos possessions mais perdu nos valeurs. On parle trop, aime trop rarement et haïs trop souvent.

On a appris a gagner sa vie mais pas à la vivre. Nous avons ajouté des années à la vie mais pas de vie aux années. Nous sommes allés sur la lune mais il nous est difficile de traverser la rue pour rencontrer un nouveau voisin. Nous avons conquis le cosmos extérieur mais pas notre chaos intérieur. On fait des choses plus grandes mais pas meilleures. Nous avons plus d'hygiène mais nous avons pollué même notre âme. Nous avons conquis l'atome mais pas nos préjugés. On écrit plus mais apprend moins. Nous planifions plus mais accomplissons moins. On a appris à se stresser mais pas à patienter. Nous construisons des ordinateurs pour retenir plus d'informations, produire plus de copies que jamais auparavant, mais nous communiquons de moins en moins.

Nous sommes à l'ère de la restauration rapide mais de la digestion lente, des grands hommes mais des petites personnalités, des profits record mais des relations superficielles. Nous sommes à l'ère de 2 revenus mais avec plus de divorces, des maisons plus "fancy" mais des foyers brisés. Nous sommes à l'ère des courts voyages, des couches jetables, des basses mœurs, des nuits sans lendemain, de l'obésité, et des pilules qui font n'importe quoi, de donner du pep, à endormir, à tuer. Nous sommes à l'ère des showrooms bien remplis mais avec des entrepôts vides.

Rappelez-vous de dire, "Je t'aime" à votre partenaire et vos bien-aimés, mais, surtout, pensez-le. Une bise et une accolade soulageront un mal lorsque sincères. Souvenez-vous de vous tenir la main et de chérir ce moment présent parce qu'un jour cette personne nous quittera. Prenez le temps d'aimer, de parler et de partager vos pensées précieuses.

Et n'oubliez jamais que la vie ne se mesure pas aux nombres de souffles que vous prenez mais par les moments qui nous coupent le souffle.

Sources:
Le Dalaï Lama, le Dr. Moorehead et sans oublier George Carlin

Well, there is definitely one thing that I can't change about me!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I look at the time on my computer. It says 8:21am. I am at work, busy with some boring project. To make it less boring, I am listening to my favourite musics. Very loud! Very very loud! "Damn, I LOVE THIS SONG". Yep, I'm dancing now. Sometimes people find me dancing behind my computer. But I don't care. And they laugh and walk away. Sure, I'm a weirdo! But I love it...

...
Will you be sticking with me
When the money's gone?
Will you be sticking with me
When the money's gone?
Will you be sticking with me
When the money's gone?
The money's gone, the money's gone
...

AAAhhhhh, new email. Ok, what is it now?!?! Meeting, @ 8:35 in my boss's office. Well, that's enough notice, isn't it? I look at the time. It says 8:32. Ok, getting ready for the meeting.

...
I got a funny feeling.
I got a funny feeling.
Like the geeky kid in the ladies shoes.
Who's he think he's fooling?
Another year of ruling your own.
...

It's 8:35am. I'm still in my chair. Let's wait for another minute. It's only one minute. 8:36am, ok! let's go!

B: Good morning!
R: Good morning! You look nice today!
(Why is the old project in front of her?! Why?! I'm not changing it. Fuck, I'm tired of redesigning the same thing over and over again. Bahar, shut the fuck up. And sit down)
B: Oh, thank you! You look nice yourself too. Love you top! Where did you get it?
(Are you bullshitting again?! Why is the old project in front of her?! Why?! I'm not changing it. Fuck! Ok, Brain, seriously, stop it! She's talking. You need to listen. It's rude! Bahar, what the fuck?!)
B: So... what's up?
R: Yes, we need to talk about this project.
B: NOOOOOOOOOO, I'm not changing it.
(Bahar, what the fuck! And you had to say it loud!!! That was very professional, wasn't it?! I'm being sarcastic by the way. You, fooooooool!)
R: I know... you're upset. Trust me, I love love love your other design. But he wants it more blocky!
(I hate when people use those stupid words to describe what they want in the design. I want it blocky. I want the colours more crispy. crunchy, sexy, text-bookish, and many more... It's the fucking design we're talking about. Can we use some proper terminology. But it's not her fault. She's just a messenger. And to be honest, she's a great boss. I'm still mad though. Bahar, shut the fuck up.)
B: So... basically, he wants something ugly. I can't do ugly. I'm a graphic designer. He can ask some desktop publisher to do it for him. Or he can do it himself. You know what... I'll do it, but I'll only spend 30min this time.
R: I know you're upset. But he's the client. So...
B: It's totally fine. But I'll only spend 30min this time.
R: Sure.

Leaving her office, but not going back to my desk. I need some fresh air. Or my brain wouldn't shut up talking. Oh, sun, I love you! You make me feel better. 20min later, and I'm back at my desk. Ok, let's finish this project, and start working on the ugly design. "I'll only spend 30min on the ugly design". My computer time says 9:15. Let's PDF this sucker and work on the new one. I need music. Loud, very very loud...

...
Don't stop me now
I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball
Don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time
Just give me a call
Don't stop me now
'cause I'm having a good time
Don't stop me now
Yes I'm having a good time
I don't wanna stop at all
...

Haha, I'm having a ball... Yeahhhhhhhh... A big ball! Love it! I love Queen. I love Freddy!

Ok, I need to mask this part, here. And command 'J'. Adjustment, ... Damn, it looks good! Ok, I need to change this part too. "Oh, who cares"? "Well, I do. Can you stop it, brain? You're being very annoying. Do your job"!

...
Is it worth the aggravation
To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?
It's a crazy situation
But all I need are cigarettes and alcohol!
...

Yeah, cigs and booze... I can be their groupie. Oh, Noel! I love him. And his accent. So HOT! Oh, Bahar! You're such a whore in head. "Did you just call yourself a whore? Your least favourite word?"

Why am I shaking?! Oh, someone is tapping me on the shoulder.
"Hey, it's time to go home!"
"What?"
It's 3:00pm!!! PDF, done! And that was my 30min!!! Oh, Bahar! You just can't... You silly perfectionist!

Hi, my name is Bahar, and I can be an emotional freak designer sometimes (AKA most of the times). But the word 'ugly' doesn't exist in my dictionary. At least my day ended happy.