The good, the bad, the ugly & the good!

9 days left to the year of 2011! I am still here, in Ottawa! So many things changed since last year… so many things…

We started this year staring into each other’s eyes, exchanging ‘I love you’ and ‘Happy New Year’. What a happy time! I didn’t want that moment to end. I didn’t want that love to end. We were both madly in love. Love was beautiful. Loving you was a comfort. I felt secure. But… but it all ended. Loving you is painful now. You are just a memory now. It’s as if you never existed. This will be the last time I’m writing about you. I did everything in my power to make it work, even after I left you; however, … I am just tired of giving while not getting anything back. Happy New Year, my old love! I will always love you, always! Let’s forgive, forget & move on with our lives.

I am feeling extremely happy. I am extremely pleased with my life. And this is the first time ever I feel this way. 2010 started wonderful, different setting, but it was wonderful. Then it got bad and then ugly. However, it all changed at the end. I’m ending the year of 2010 with many achievements. 2010 was a year of schooling. So many things I learned about myself, life, love, etc. It was the year of the good, the bad, the ugly & the good.

Goodbye, 2010! Hello, 2011! Life is beautiful! Life is meaningful again. There’s light at the end of this tunnel. And I’m looking forward to seeing what’s awaiting me.

Why?

Alright! It's been a struggle again. Why am I feeling like this again? Why am I still thinking about you? I don't think you even remember my name. I love you. I hate you. I really wanna see you. I don't want to see you ever again. I want to hold you one more time. I want to smell you. I want to feel you, just one more time. I want to look into your eyes, just one more time. Do you even care I am crying right now as I'm writing this? I am hurting... I am hurting so bad, and I don't know what to do. I can't even make myself feel better. I can't even help myself.

I want to move on with my life. I don't want you in my thoughts. I don't want you in my dreams. I don't want to have any feeling, good or bad, for you. I am still hurting... Why do I still love you?

Why?

Je te manque vraiment ?

Tu me manques, j'ai hâte que tu reviennes.

Je te manque vraiment ?

Je te veux ici... Je te veux ici...

Eat, Pray, Love

Oh, Elizabeth Gilbert! I'd like to thank you for your great book. I know you won't even see or read this, but I have to say your book truly helped me, inspired me, motivated me, and gave me strength.

I was confused; I was unhappy; I was lost; I was uninspired. I was even at the point of losing my creativity. I already lost hope. I already lost faith. I had no other option. I had to leave. So I left. But that didn't make things easier for me. I was left alone. People who were supposedly my friends here in this new city stopped talking to me. I was still lonely and depressed. However, I strongly believed that I did the right thing, for me. And I still do. Friends and family looked at me with pity. Could I blame them though?! I was getting tired of hearing the same thing over and over, "don't worry! Everything will be fine! Things happen for a reason!".

But getting angry at what people said or did wasn't helping. After all, they meant no harm. I had to move on with my life! But how?! I was still stuck in the past. I couldn't escape the thoughts. I couldn't escape the old dreams, hopes, desires. After all, I still loved and cared. I still desired. And I still do...

One day, when I was cleaning my messy apartment, I saw your book in the bookshelf. I decided to read it again. Eat, Pray, Love! You discovered who you were throughout your journey. You started loving yourself again. So I started questioning. Do I love myself? Who am I? What do I want in my life? Why do I always look elsewhere to find happiness? So I decided to do what you did, but doing them all in Ottawa. There was no other place better than Ottawa.

My journey started on September 30th, 2010, and it will end on March 30th 2011. I'm almost done with the Pursuit of Pleasure.

Learn and move on!

In my opinion, there's no such a thing as 'luck'! You always get what you deserve. You always get what you're worth. If you lower your exceptions of your life, if you stop dreaming your dreams, if you forget about your goals in your life, if you ignore your life plans, if you start changing yourself for someone that supposedly you care about, you will regret. We will be very unhappy. You will feel lost. You will live in somebody else's shadow. You will end up with a meaningless life with no goal or direction. Don't forget about YOU! It's never too late, but don't make the same mistake again.

A valuable quote

A wise man gave me this valuable advice today:

"Don't make a long commitment yet. At least wait until you are older. Have
short term plans and work toward them".

I'll be thinking about this for a while. It will definitely change the way I look at
life in general.